I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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