I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
