Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
