Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
