tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
