Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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