nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
