we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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