I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my poor anus
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
