I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
