i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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