he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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