You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
