I heard we made out
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My vagina is very pro this idea
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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