I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
