U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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