remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
