i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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