Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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