Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
