we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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