i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
