When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
