Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
