Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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