I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
