He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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