cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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