Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
