they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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