my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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