I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
