I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
