he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
