so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
