Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was CRYING into my vagina
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
