His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
