I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My vagina is officially offended.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
