i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
