Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found puke in my bra..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
