remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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