My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
