Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
