addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
