i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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