just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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