I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my being single is dangerous.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
