So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
