Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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