There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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